


Balance

by felineladyy



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, More Hugs, and more crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26945848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felineladyy/pseuds/felineladyy
Summary: Post Mortis Crying and Hugs
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker/Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 11
Kudos: 68





	Balance

Mortis is a turning point. A place that changes them irrevocably. Walking away with new scars and what will soon be new nightmares, they push on. After all, Rex said they’d only been gone a few moments. They have responsibilities to get back to.

A war that won’t wait for them to put themselves back together. 

It is somber on the ship. Everyone more than a little shaken up. Ahsoka has never seen Obi-wan like this. Has never seen _Anakin_ like this. 

New territory all around. 

Obi-wan tells them to get some rest before they arrive back with the fleet, it might be their last chance. They both try to point out that he needs rest as well but if Obi-wan has Anakin beat in anything, it is how stubborn he can be. 

Ahsoka isn’t sure she wants to see what is waiting for her behind closed eyes but she is exhausted. She lays down on one of the benches, curls in on herself and closes her eyes. 

After a minute of still feeling Anakin’s unease in the air she turns around to find he hasn’t even sat down, he’s just hovering a few feet away looking anywhere but at her. 

“Master?” He looks over at her. He looks… uncomfortable. “Aren't you at least going to sit?”

He shrugs, chewing on his lip. 

“Seriously, if you clench your fists any harder, you’re going to start bleeding. _Relax_.” 

Anakin looks away again, but he does unclench his fists and his shoulders drop just a little. 

“Look, I… I just don’t want to… I don’t think I’m _ready_ to…” he stops, closes his eyes and drops his head down. He takes a deep breath. 

“Can I… can we…” he’s waving his hand at her “together? For right now?” 

No part of that was a complete question but Ahsoka thinks she understands. When she opened her eyes to him on Mortis, she was sure something _awful_ had happened. She has never seen him so upset. Her mind went straight to Obi-wan, but then it became clear that she was the cause. 

Ahsoka sits up and pats the bench next to her. Anakin sits but it's like he’s trying to take up as little space as possible, like he’s suddenly become aware of his limbs and doesn’t know what to do with them. Ahsoka scoots closer, their shoulders touching, trying to offer some comfort. 

“You know, I used to wonder pretty often what it would be like if you shut up for a while but I gotta say, it’s actually pretty unsettling.” She tries for a smile, for the familiar territory of them teasing each other. 

Anakin isn’t smiling back. 

Ahsoka doesn’t really know what she’s doing here. She knows how to navigate almost all of Anakin’s moods, but this is new. This isn’t his anger or frustration, or his playful sarcasm, she understands those, this is something else. He’s so… scared. 

“Do you… want to talk about it?” 

Anakin looks back down at his hands while he fidgets. He doesn’t say anything for a few minutes and so Ahsoka waits. Let’s him take his time while he finds the words. Or maybe they’ll both fall asleep, which would be fine too. 

“Ahsoka. I’m… I’m sorry.” 

“Your sorry? For what?” 

“Ahsoka, you… you were _gone_. I lost you and it… it was my fault. I’m responsible for you and I… I let the brother get to you and I let him _hurt you_. I-“ 

Anakin finally looks back at Ahsoka. 

“I never thought I would have to see what the dark side looked like on you. It… Ahsoka, it was _terrifying_.” 

Ahsoka remembers bits and pieces. It isn’t clear, and she only sees it in flashes, but she remembers his face. She wasn’t in control but it was her mind. These are her memories now. She’s trying not to think about it.

“I know. I know and I was really scared too, and leaving that behind me won’t be easy but you didn’t _let me_ get hurt, Anakin. You saved me. You brought me back.” 

He shakes his head, “It wasn’t that simple.” 

She takes his hand in hers, “I don’t blame you and neither does Obi-wan. You can’t blame yourself for this.” 

“No, Ahsoka. The dark side can’t have you. I won’t let it.” Here it is, his anger. This is familiar.

“The dark side doesn’t hold any appeal for me, Master. I didn’t give in, he tricked me.”

“You need to be careful, snips. We’re all susceptible. You would do well to remember that. Especially now.”

Ahsoka sighs, “Anakin. The dark side doesn’t have anything to offer me. I want to be where you are. And you’re here.”

Anakin is just staring at her. He seems older than he did three days ago, like that place aged him. It’s easy to forget they’re both so young. Too young for this war and too young for all this responsibility. 

She wishes she could wipe the hurt off his face. Ahsoka can see the wetness in his eyes and she feels an ache in her chest. These past years, she’s seen Anakin go through a lot. Has gone through much herself. She had never seen him cry, and now she’s seen it twice since waking up on Mortis. 

“I don’t deserve you, Ahsoka.” His voice is thick, he sounds so broken. 

She watches as the tears start to spill over, running down his cheeks. Ahsoka takes his face in her hands.

“It’s not about deserving, Anakin. And you do.” She wipes at the tears with her thumbs. 

“I’m lucky to have you, Master.” 

Anakin wraps his arms around her and pulls her close, burying his face in her shoulder. She can feel more tears dripping onto her and she clings to him. Ahsoka doesn’t know how to make Anakin believe her so she just hugs him back, hands fisted in his robes and hopes he can sense it around them. 

“I never want to be that close to losing you again, Ahsoka.” His voice sounds so raw and Ahsoka would take away the memory of what happened on Mortis if she could. He has enough nightmares as it is. 

“God, I’m sorry, you were trying to sleep.” Anakin pulls back, wiping at his face. 

“Well, Master Obi-wan said rest, which, technically this could be considered.” 

Anakin huffs out a laugh and Ahsoka smiles back at him. It’s good to see his smile again, even if it’s small. She finds herself wishing they could have more time to recover, all three of them. To rest and to shake off the last few days. Rest is in short supply these days. 

“Well I’ll uh, let you get some rest.” Anakin starts to shift, runs his palms down his legs but isn’t moving to get up. Ahsoka can sense his reluctance. She puts a hand on his arm. 

“Stay?” 

Anakin looks back at her and he’s surprised. All this and he still doesn’t understand that she needs him just as much as he needs her. She nudges at his arm and he lifts it up to wrap around her. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll stay.” 

The words feel heavy, sound like a promise. Words for beyond this moment. Head resting on his chest, she closes her eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> so mortis was pretty fucked up, huh


End file.
